The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
