You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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