Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
