I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
