And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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