You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We need a shit load of segways right now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
