there's paper in my vomit.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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