True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
