I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
