I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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