look no pants
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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