upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
