So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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