i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
