shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
