Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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