I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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