do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
