Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
