Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
