why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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