You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
