So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize