I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
