Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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