So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
