brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
