her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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