Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
