bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize