Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
