she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
