its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
