Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
