i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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