Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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