there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
