I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
