just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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