i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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