she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
