I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
