thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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