Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
