I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
