conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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