Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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