Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
