i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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