She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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