I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize