Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
