Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
