Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize