things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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