Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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