I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize