Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
